an awesome view of a far-off rainstorm last night & a much-needed reminder from the universe this morning.
2 walked miles, 100 step-ups + 8 min abs. trying so hard to do this recovery thing right. all i wanted to do tonight was run run run; struggling to find alternate ways to clear my head when life clouds it up. just going to keep on keepin’ on, and continue to seek the good.
tuesday was colored by waking up to texts from the last person i want to hear from, the resulting anxiety & frustration which i couldn’t shake for most of the day, and topped off with some of the poorest decision making i’ve committed in a long time.
unemployment is fast becoming a major issue, not only due to the boredom (so much boredom) but also due to the whole no-money-coming-in thing. i’m not so good at this whole adulting thing.
coffee is becoming a morning ritual again. i don’t hate it.
wednesday thus far has involved a lot of mulling over to-do lists and very little doing. if anyone can find my motivation to do simple tasks that need to get done, please direct me to it. it hasn’t been seen in days.
i miss rock climbing. so excited to hit PRG with sam in a few weeks (even though i’m basically going to be starting over from scratch).
going for a walk later + doing the step-ups prescribed to me by my chiro for PT. fingers crossed my back is truly on the mend. maybe i’ll even be able to run again before leaving for europe.
the best weekend with the best humans. copious amounts of good booze, delicious food, all the laughter, forgetting to to take pictures. so so glad to have had this time with them before i am far far away for (what seems like) a very long time.
tonight i am horribly restless. i want to run so badly and i’m still not allowed to and i can’t seem to calm my mind tonight. i can’t even focus on reading. trying to radiate peace but its deeming to be impossible tonight.
five weeks from right now i will be on a plane headed for germany. six weeks from right now i will be sleeping in my new french bed for the first time.
3m walked to start my saturday. i miss running but i’ve decided i need to gear up for all the desert adventures, so i’m telling myself these walks are hiking training. i should probably start doing them at noon to get a little more heat acclimated.
and an NSV: this is the best these shorts have fit me since i wore them in my first half 2.5 years ago. a few months ago i could only bear to wear them around the house because they didn’t really fit; a year ago i couldn’t even put them on.
finally got my room put back together after a few weeks of things scattered all over. a clean room gives me a calm mind. peace restored.
last lunch with the nug (aka my sister) before we move her into college tomorrow. she chose a local burger joint which is heaven. hickory bacon bbq burger, i ate the whole thing. and devoured the time spent with her.
spent the afternoon planning desert adventures & reading. the best.
i said a week ago i was going to do core work as instructed by my chiro. yeah, that hadn’t happened yet; i started tonight. i have lost so.much.strength, fuck.
tomorrow is a dichotomy of encounters: saying goodbye to my sister as she begins her freshman year of college; being reunited with BOTH of my best friends for the first time in 18 months, friends i met during my own first semester of college. i expect lots of tears and smiles.
currently (& finally). the mail today brought both this book and a letter from a dear friend. best mail day.
we bought all of my sister’s dorm stuff today. i still haven’t processed the fact that she’s going to college saturday. it was nice to spend the afternoon with her.
spent the evening with a wonderful human. tex mex, margarita swirls, gelato & people watching. he laughs so easily & made me laugh harder & longer tonight than i have in ages. again, it is so refreshing.
yesterday i thought it was thursday all day. today i thought it was thursday all day. tomorrow i will probably think its wednesday. oy.
PT again this morning for my back. still banned from doing all fun things. but its only been two weeks so i should probably suck it up and stop complaining. its very difficult mentally to be injured but not be in pain; i’m really just very aware of my lower back. and i just want to run. so much.
got a postcard from a dear friend today. the best. also got an email with the best-looking list of activities for our desert adventures coming up in september. i cannot wait to spend time with both that human & the desert.
another 3 mile walk tonight. 48:00, give or take. not the same as running but it felt so good to sweat. although i should probably start doing those walks in the heat of the day in order to prepare for hiking in az. i have very lofty hiking goals for that weekend and do not want the heat to wash them out.
t-3 days until my two best friends and i are all three under the same roof again for the first time in 18 months. so.freaking.excited.
words to soak in:
“Hurry always empties a soul.” - Ann Voskamp
“Master, I don’t think you quite realise what you’ve got here. So why don’t you just ruminate whilst I illuminate the possibilities.”
all i want to do right now is hop a plane west and hike all the mountains and soak up arid air and sweat and read a book in the sunshine.
i have never been more restless.